Like pocketfuls of glittering stars
by hime the stars shine bright
Summary: AU. UlquiHimeIshi. Lover figure model #04, straight from Seireitei L'Amour; GOD I didn't know what I was getting in to. But that's ok, Ulquiorra is- wait, what? Ishida-kun's getting jealous? Hm. This calls for Team MORT! slight parody to Zettai Kareshi
1. SAVIOR

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**FILES:  
**►Roo  
►Tatsupants  
►Ori-baby  
►Princess Peach

►OPEN THIS FILE?  
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THIS FILE IS RESTRICTED.

►►FILE NAME: Roo

►►PASSWORD: strawberrylipgloss

**Name:** Kuchiki Rukia 朽木 ルキア  
**Age:** 16  
**Grade:** 11  
**Birthday:** January 14  
**Blood Type:** A  
**Height: **4''8''1/2. I'm proud of that 1/2, baby.  
**Weight:** Do I have to put that?...(gets slapped by Tatsuki) fine, 73 lbs.  
**Relatives:** Hisana (sister), Byakuya (Brother-in-law), Ginrei (scary grandfather-in-law), Sakura (beloved niece of 2 years)  
**Close Friends: **Orihime, Tatsuki, Momo, Ichigo, Toshiro, Keigo, Mizuiro  
**Curent Theme:**_ Wing Stock_ by Ashley MacIsaac

►CLOSE FILE?  
**Yes** | No

THIS FILE IS CLOSED.

* * *

(POV- ORIHIME INOUE)

It's Febuary 14- Valentine's day.

I dislike this so much- and I will _not_ say hate because hate is a strong word!

_-Sticking to the nice girl attitude-_

No, I_ dislike _this.

I mean, how can I not? I'm the only one left out of Team MORT that is single on Valentine's day.

...Oh. I realize you don't know who Team MORT is...

MORT stands for Momo, Orihime, Rukia, Tatsuki, in that order.

(I KNOW, CREATIVE ISN'T IT? WE ALL AGREED THAT IT WAS TOTALLY ADORABLE.)

We've all known each other since we were just tiny little people- Rukia's sister married Byakuya Kuchiki, who is a close friend of my brother's. Momo's mom met Tatsuki's mom when they were pregnant, and then all four of us lived in the same neighborhood, so we grew up together.

Rukia came first, and that completely makes sense, because she's the most mature out of the four of us. Momo came second, in June, and Tatsuki continued the trend by following shortly in July. I'm the youngest- September.

Now what? We're all 16-17 year olds trying to find love.

Rukia met her soulmate, Ichigo Kurosaki, two years ago at his dad's clinic- she had fainted after finding out her sister was pregnant. Ichigo was a kid Tatsuki knew from her karate class back when they were kids, and Tatsuki was the one who set those two up together in the first place- the got together last year. Rukia calls it silly. _We_ call it destiny.

Momo just got with Toshiro about a month ago. She's known him since he was little, because they grew up together. Thing is, he's a year younger then her, so she wasn't completely up for it. But Toshiro really cares about her so we made her go for it.

And Tatsuki? You're gonna be shocked to find out who she's going out with- _Keigo Asano_. Strange, isn't it? She usually acts like she can't stand him and his goofy acts. Surprisingly, their doing pretty well, and I'm glad, because after listening to Tatsuki's ranting about how she's gonna be an independant woman forever and she never wants a guy and bla bla bla. Another epic thing about their relationship is that they've been together the longest out of all of us- they've been together for two years. And yes, they hit a LOT of rough patches along the way, but they've made it until now! He may be a little strange, but I'm sure Tatsuki can whip him into shape in no time, and besides, he's got a great sense of humor.

So there. My three best friends are happily (though some don't admit it) in a relationship.

And me?

Well, I'm another story.

* * *

**Welcome to Karakura Global!**  
_Karakura Global helps you connect with people. _  
Sign in | Start chat | Search  
►**Tatsuki Arisawa** is online.  
►**Momo Hinamori **is online.  
►►Start chat session?

**CHATROOM**: WELCOME TO OUR LIVES  
**STARTER**: RUKIA KUCHIKI  
**ATTENDEES**: MOMO HINAMORI, TATSUKI ARISAWA

**Tatsuki Arisawa**, _Momo Hinamori_, & Rukia Kuchiki

_My friend, Orihime, is a pretty smart girl. She gets really good grades, she's a very sweet. kind person, and she's pretty, too- a good role model. Oh, there's just one problem. She's so slow, always zoning out, and is clueless when it comes to talking to guys. Sometimes, when she's talking to dudes, her voice gets flirty-ish. Just -ish, because hey, it's not like she does it on purpose! Besides, it serves for a good much-needed laugh time after time (OMG SHE LOVES THAT SONG!). But seriously, she's pretty clueless when it comes to any guy being interested in her.*coughIshidacough*_

**What? He likes her? he wants to go out with her? Pfft. He might as stamp DATE ME across his forehead in sharpie. Slow-minded people exist, sweetie.**

'Hime's alone on V-day, again. I really hate not being there for her, but maybe it would just make things worse..I mean, she'd probably feel bad that she's "making" us stay with her instead of our own guys... Here's an oath girls, we'll just have to find Orihime a guy ourselves. Someone sweet, cute, nice, caring, not too perverted, and will keep an eye on her when we can't.

**I'll drink to that.**

_We're not even drinking age, Tatsuki._

**Momo, you just ruined the moment.**

I love you guys! Happy Valentine's day! 

_AWW WE LOVE YOU TOO, ROO!_

...I told you not to call me that!

**Need a refill cause I just can't get enough, I've got a fever, oh yeah, and the prescription's love!**

_Oh god, she's singing again...where are my freaking earplugs?_

**I only do it because I love you! **

Oh yeah Tatsuki, I just saw Chizuru making her way to Orihime's apartment. 

**...WHUT.**

_Are you serious, Roo?_

Shall we?

_I think the question is, "shall we not?"_

**DAMN STRAIGHT. LET'S GO SEND CHIZURU INTO NEXT FRIDAY!**

**

* * *

**_Like pocketfuls of glittering stars,_

one;

BE MY-

SAVIOR

* * *

To mourn my loneliness on this joyous day (and to steer clear of Chizuru, Tatsuki told me to), I decide to go downtown and get something to eat. Sora-nii sent my allowance yesterday, and he gave me extra for V-day, so I can spend without worrying. Heart.

Maybe I should buy a new dress, the weather's been pretty nice lately and-

is that a phone?

I looked around. No one was in sight. Perhaps someone had forgotten it here?

I waited for a couple minutes, to see if anyone would come back for it, but no one did.

I picked it up, analyzing it. According to the back, it's a Blackberry- some old model. It's pretty well kept, the buttons are really neat and it still looks new. I would hate to have lost this...

It rang.

It's sudden burst of melody startled me, and I stumbled with it. "Oh!"

I recognized the tune vaguely, it sounded like HAZU feat Ill-Bosstino's "_Stray Dog_". I bit my lip.

Um...which button do you press..?

Ummmm...

The green one?

"Hello?"

_"Oh, thank god you found my phone! I really gotta thank ya!"_ The rough young tone on the other line practically chirped, and it was so loud I winced a little. _"What's your name?"_

"Ummmm, O-Orihime-"

_"Alright well, Orihime, d'ya know__ Café Viviénne__? Think you can make it there?"_

"Aah, S-Sure-"

_"Great, great! It's the one with the pink roof, y'can't miss it!"_ The voice laughed slightly, _"Oh by the way, name's Renji. I'll be inside, you can't miss me- I've got red hair and tattoos."_

"Hai, I'm almost there..."

I stopped in front of Café Viviénne, one of the most expensive cafes Japan has. It's a really nice cafe, too. It's pretty big, and the atmosphere is all posh, yet warm and fluffy. The waiters are all dressed like real, professional butlers, and there's curtains and an upstairs room that's probably for special occasions. It's a really beautiful cafe. Right in the center of the room, there's a fountain. Basically, the whole place is like a really posh, french-style cafe.

(And also secretly one of team MORT's favorite hangouts.)

I wonder who this guy is?

Red hair and tattoos. I scan the crowd of people inside the cafe when I see someone who fits the description, and-

What is he _wearing?_

..Seriously, I don't mean to be rude or something, but...

He looks kinda like a Cloud cosplayer- like, from Final Fantasy, ya know?

_So_ wierd.

I contemplate taking his photo to show the girls after I'm done with this as I make my way to his table.

"Uhh..." I park myself onto the side of his table, scratching the side of my face, "Ano...are you Renji?"

"Orihime?" Renji's face brightened as I held out his phone, "Oh god, thanks so much!" he laughed almost nervously, placing his phone on the table, "I work through this thing, thank god ya found it-" he assured to the empty chair across from his, "Sit down, sit down! Don't be shy!"

"Ahh..." I slowly plopped my butt into the chair, folding my hands in my lap, "Arigato."

Renji snorted, "No need to thank _me_, _you're_ the one who just did me a humungo favor! Hey, you wanna order something? I'll pay! Waiter! Bring a menu!"

"So...are you an actor or something?" I asked, staring at him.

I mean, his eyebrows...

It's like their drawn on his face or something...

Or maybe tattoos...

"Haha! An actor? No, no, I'm just your average salesman!" Renji waved his hand in front of his face, "Well, I'm more like a wandering businessman...but you're a student, aren't ya? I can tell." He grinned, "I know, to repay ya, I'll offer you my services!"

"Huh?"

"You can get products from the company I work for, Seireitei-L'amour, with a very reasonable discounted price!"

"Ano...no thank you," I stood up to go, as Renji's voice made to tempt me.

"Hey sis, isn't there _something_ you want? Like makeup or something, just say the word-"

"Then," I turned back around daringly, gripping the strap of my bag as I did, "Get me a boyfriend."

Renji stared at me.

...Ok, Orihime. What have you done? You're insane. Now he's gonna think you're a crazy person, probably call an ambulance and take me to a hospital to get admitted to a psychiatrist, or beam aliens up to take me and perform experiments...

However, it seemed I was having mouth-diarrhea today, and I kept talking.

"All I really want right now is a boyfriend."

Renji stared at me, mouth slightly open, arms folded across his chest.

Umm...

Slowly, a smirk spread onto his face. "Is that it?"

I blinked at him.

Wait, what?

"You shoulda just told me earlier." Renji grinned, and held out a card. "Here, this is my card. -Y'see the URL on it? Go home and get on that. BUT-" He pressed the card against my lips, "this is our little secret. Ok, Orihime-chan?"

"Um...o..k..."

I stared down at the card.

**SEIREITEI L'AMOUR  
RENJI ABARAI  
WORKER 6-2406-1  
SEIREITEILAMOUR. CO. NET**

Seireitei-L'amour?

Like, Seireitei _love?_

"We'll keep in touch, Orihime-chan," Renji said, but his words didn't enter my brain as I thought about this curiously, "I'll see you soon."

"Ohhh...Wait!" I snapped my attention to him, but he had already disappeared. I frowned, Hurriedly running outside, turning left and right for a glimpse of red.

Nothing.

"It's like he's a ghost.." I murmered softly, and then looked down at his card, again.

I wonder what this could be?


	2. NATURALLY

**RESTRICTED FILES: DO NOT OPEN OR VIEW WITHOUT CONSENT OF OWNERS.**

**FILES:**  
►Roo  
►Tatsupants  
►Ori-baby  
►Princess Peach

►OPEN THIS FILE?  
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THIS FILE IS RESTRICTED.

►►FILE NAME: Tatsupants

►►PASSWORD: kickurass

**Name**: Tatsuki Arisawa  
**Age:** 16  
**Grade**: 11  
**Birthday**: July 17  
**Blood Type**: A  
**Height**: 5''1  
**Weight**: 90 lbs.  
**Relatives:** Mom and Dad. I don't have any siblings, which is why I have you guys. heart.  
**Close Friends**: Orihime, Rukia, Momo, Ichigo, Toshiro, Keigo, Mizuiro  
**Current Theme**: _Sign_ by Flow

►CLOSE FILE?  
**Yes** | No

THIS FILE IS CLOSED.

* * *

Not that I think this is actually going to work and get me somewhere in my love life, but...

I might as well try it. It can't hurt, right?

...

**Welcome to Seireitei L'Amour.**_  
-The goal of this site is to furnish you with the ideal lover, who will exist solely for your sake. A nearly perfect lover is created from the ideal options in personality, looks, etc. that you decide. Those who receive our services are asked to please maintain strict secrecy._

**Sign In | Sign Up | Search | Help | Contact us**

**Name:** Orihime Inoue  
**Email:** IDidIt4Love -at- SRTGlobal. net  
**Password:** lipslikesugar

**Welcome to Seireitei L'Amour,** _Orihime Inoue!_

Create your lover figure!

**1. SELECT YOUR TYPE:**

**MODEL 1: **_classic cowboy_**  
MODEL 2: **_old-school pimp_**  
MODEL 3: **- Currently UA. Sorry!-**  
MODEL 4: **_tall, dark, and handsome_**  
MODEL 5: **_protective and perverted_

**2. FACIAL PREFERENCES:**

**EYES: **_Random_**  
HAIR: **_Random_**  
HEIGHT: **_Random  
_**Any Other Preferences? **_None._

**3. PERSONALITY:  
**_-kind  
-caring  
-not too perverted- only a little bit!  
-can cook really well  
-quiet  
-a little clueless  
-calm  
-smart_

**...**

**Your lover figure has been created! Thank you for ordering.  


* * *

**Like pocketfuls of glittering stars,

Two;

IT COMES-

NATURALLY

* * *

The doorbell's ringing.

I know who it is.

"Come in!"

The door opened.

"Orihime?"

"Yeah, Ishida-kun!" I shut my laptop and walked over to the living room, where he stood at the door. "Hi."

"You shouldn't leave your front door unlocked like that." Ishida-kun scolded.

"Ok, sorry."

"I brought some food." Ishida-kun said, placing a plastic box on the table. "Don't keep mixing ramen with taiyaki, ok?"

"Ok!" I sang, smiling at him. He pushed his glasses higher on his nose. "I'll be back later, ok?"

"Ok, thanks!"

-That's Uryu, we grew up together...sort of. Since Sora-nii has to go to foreign places for his work sometimes, he leaves me here so I can continue school and asks Rukia's sister and Ishida-kun to look after me.

And that's why he's so nosy and always popping up here.

...

I've been thinking of telling Rukia, Tatsuki, and Momo about _Seireitei L'amour._

I mean, I don't see why I have to hide it. It's just a game!

That Renji guy totally played me. I can't believe I actually asked him for a boyfriend. What was I thinking when I said that to him again?

Oh, that's right. I _wasn't_ thinking.

...

Went to school today, and I didn't tell a soul, even though I had been kind of planning to.

I mean, I want to tell them, butbutbut.

I told Renji I wouldn't tell anyone, sooooo.

I didn't.

Anyways, when I got to the door, there were these two huge guys with a giant box on it standing outside my front door.

They looked at me funny.

"Apartment 07?"

"You Orihime Inoue?"

I blinked. "Um, yes..."

"Delivery for you." One of them pointed at the box.

"Uh-"

They got the box inside my apartment for me somehow. I don't really know, it was like, the size of a giant refridgerator.

They left pretty quickly, leaving me to stare at the giant box in my living room.

It was wrapped up pretty well, and the words "SEIREITEI L'AMOUR" were printed across it in giant letters.

I made sure my door was locked (yeah thanks, Ishida-kun) and then cut open the plastic and rope that kept the box closed.

I knew I shouldn't have done that.

The box's lid fell off, and you won't BELIEVE what happened.

A naked guy fell on me.

...

I know. It sounds like a dream, right?

NOT. It was horrifying.

"AAAAAGHHH!" I pushed the totally-naked guy off of me onto the the floor, then pushed myself back 2 feet across the floor and hugged myself, hyperventilating.

OK. A naked guy just fell out of a box and on me.

WTF WTF WTF WTF. Calm down, Orihime. Relax.

_'Ok...there's no way he's not human...his face is human...'_

I took a deep breath, then glanced over the...naked guy. Slowly crawling, I reached out and touched his arm. "Ummm..."

He was cold.

My eyes widened and I sat back, biting my thumb.

_'Is he a corpse? He's not breathing...there's no pulse...but he looks human!...What is Seireitei L'amour...I need help!...Who should I-'_

I let out a shriek when my phone rang.

I scrambled across the floor, grabbing my pretty-much-useless phone, and flipped it open. "H-Hello?"

_"Hey, there! 'S Renji Abarai! How're ya, Orihime-chan?"_

"Ah-"

_"You're great? Me too! Thanks for ordering a product from our lover shop! How d'ya like our product?"_

"NO!...This is insane! Is it a...like a corpse?"

_"What're you talking about? Wierdo customer...didn't you read the manual?"_

"Manual...?"

_"Yeah. And he's no corpse, he's just not awake, yet. I'll call again in a little while!"_

"B-But! Wait a minute-"

He hung up.

I looked around, standing up slowly and going over to the box. I shuffled some wrapping paper around until I found a book sealed in plastic.

I tore it open, sitting on the floor, and opened it.

'Um...let's see...start-up...'

...

**SEIREITEI L'AMOUR: MANUAL**

**TO START THE LOVER-FIGURE, PLACE YOUR LIPS AGAINST HIS/HER'S. THERE IS A CENSOR ON THE BODY'S LIPS, WHICH WILL READ THE TEMPERATURE OF THE CUSTOMER'S LIPS. IT WILL RECOGNIZE THE CUSTOMER AS IT'S "LOVER".**

**...**

Wait, so...I have to kiss him?

But I've never kissed a guy before!

I looked down at the...figure, feeling my face heat up.

But it says I have to in the manual!

I mean...I can't just leave it lying here. Naked!

I reach over slowly, gripping his face.

_'Doll? Human? Well...here goes nothing...'_

I tipped myself over and very hesitantly pressed my lips against his.

I heard a strange noise, like a drill turning on, and pulled myself up in shock. His arm moved, hand clenching, and then-

his eyes opened.

Big emerald eyes stared at me, completely unflinching, emotionless. He sat up, still staring at me unblinkingly.

I stared back, eyes wide, totally shocked.

"Hello, girlfriend."

_'No way...'_

He leaned over and kissed me again.


End file.
